7. so much to worry about

Now, lest you forget, I am still an incredibly anxious person. So although my last couple posts might have implied a relatively easy job search process (and in many respects it really was), I have nevertheless been plagued by my constant companions,  anxiety and self-doubt.

On a whim I decided to jot down a few of the anxious thoughts that I have perseverated on in the last couple weeks:

what if it's the wrong city
what if I get laid off again
what if I hate the job
what if I hate the commute
what if we don't make friends
what if all our old friends forget about us
what if the ACA is revoked
what if the country goes to war
what if something happens to my parents
what if the schools stink
what if we hate everything about it
what if I'm not outdoorsy enough
what if we can't get any internet access
what if Husband and I end up hating each other
what if it's colder and cloudier than they tell us
what if we can't have chickens
what if Cat hates it
what if our dog isn't born in time to make the move
what if we never get back to MN/WI for Christmas
what if we never get to stay in MT for Christmas
what if Husband can't find a truck in our price range
what if he doesn't actually know how to build a house
what if we kill each other from living in a small rental
what if I can never get licensed
what if they revoke the job offer
what if I miss the VA too much
what if we're meant to be closer to family
what if my parents decide to stay in Wisconsin
what if I miss the lakes
what if Husband doesn't want to be a homesteader after all
what if all of our things get broken during the move
what if I regret selling the piano
what if I regret bringing the piano across country
what if we get rid of too much stuff
what if we move a bunch of crap for no reason
etc. etc. etc.

I decided to stop this exercise after only about 7 minutes. Seriously! All those thoughts in only seven minutes. (Yes, it can be exhausting to be in my own mind!) Let's just say that mindfulness, staying present, and letting go of future worries is still a work in progress for me. Clearly, even psychologists need to practice what they preach.